[After he's given himself a minute to come down from the rush of adrenaline, he can't help but hate himself a little more. Even if he hadn't fully left, well, Jinx had no way of knowing that, right?
His lips drawing into a thin line, he gets out his device. It's.... better than nothing. He only hopes that she'll read it in time.
Ugh...]
sorry i should be there
[He makes a face, then erases that line before continuing.]
needed to step out for a moment still here though right outside. when you're ready
[He sends off the message and flops against the wall, going back to his silent self-loathing.]
[She means that, too. Even though she's not moving nearly as fast as she could, she isn't taking any detours. Once she's there, she tilts her head at him still standing outside. There's a dim smirk before she heads inside, holding the door open for him.
Jinx doesn't actually say anything until she's sitting on her bed. And... Ekko will be seeing part of why she doesn't spend all that much time in her cabin. The entire space looks mostly like some office, complete with a heavy-looking desk that likely resembles one Silco used. On it, there's a mug and ashtray that each look to have been hand-painted by a child.
Fortunately, the half of the room with Jinx's bed is coming along well. There's a wardrobe on that side, and then each nightstand has a lamp on it. She slides the more regular-looking chair over to beside her bed, and then she sits on the foot of the bed.]
... I remembered a little about why I'm like this.
[Listen, he's no gentleman, but still. You don't just go into a girl's room! ...even though she gave him permission. Shhh.
When he goes in, it only takes a second before he feels chills through his body. He's never seen the place before, and yet it's instantly clear just who it belongs to...
Studiously ignoring that, he takes the offered seat and focuses his attention on Jinx. There's a brief moment he looks a little surprised, but it smooths away quickly.]
... Singed. The man who works for Silco... The one who created Shimmer, in the first place. He... experimented on me. Treated me like... one of his rats.
[Her eyes are shining a bit now.]
I know because... I woke up. In the middle of having Shimmer pushed through my entire body. It felt like... ... like everything was just... lava.
That's... the part I have no idea on. I- feel like... Silco was there, but I also... saw Vi there. And... Caitlyn...
I even saw myself there.
Literally the only detail I'm sure about is that it was Singed, and that I... died on that table. So it-... it wasn't me that killed me. I think... it was Singed, and that he was trying to turn me into something... worse than I already was.
[Her fingernails are biting into her own hands, her gaze shifting from Ekko to the floor, and then back again.]
Given... some of the other stuff he's done? It's not too surprising. It was his... experiment... that killed your... your dad. Deckard...
I didn't even know it until... I got a little curious, one day. Paid a little more attention to that guy. Guess there's a reason I never had a good feeling about him. Aside from the obvious, anyway...
[She hates... all of this. All of it. Hell, Singed is the reason even Silco-...]
... You know... Silco had me injecting him, daily? Early on. I didn't really ask what it was, at first. Then... I found out. I was injecting Shimmer into his eye. The same time every... single day. And I never really considered it was probably super messed up, because he was- he... took me in when I really thought I had nowhere to go!
He told me all about how Vander nearly killed him, and how... he was betrayed by everyone he loved, when he was younger. So I thought-! maybe... just once... there was someone who'd accept me, even at my craziest...
[Her face is streaked with a mixture of pink tears and clear ones.]
Even when I reunited with Vi... she was still... calling me Powder. I'd correct her, and it was... still just... Powder. She didn't want me. [Only Powder. Always Powder. The person she couldn't be - not without lying to herself.] So I- I know, Ekko. I know... Silco's one of the worst people... in the entire. World. He does these horrible things, including making kids work in his Shimmer factory, and destroying all kinds of lives! He... is obsessed with making Zaun, and... there's nothing he wouldn't give to make it happen. He'd... probably give me to Piltover.
[Voicing that thought hurts.]
But at... the end of the day, he never demanded I be Powder, and he gave me a home. He never... actually made me do anything I didn't want to do. He just... knew how to convince me... really well.
[Jinx has realized quite a lot. Including that... Silco had been manipulating her all those years.]
[Ekko's gaze raises again as he falls silent. The reminder has his pupils briefly dilatating, and he has to grip the sides of the chair to keep himself from being sucked back into that memory. The blood, Benzo's body, that thing—
He blinks a few times, gaze coming back up to Jinx. By that point, she'd moved onto Silco.
He's quiet the whole way through, brow furrowing once more at the sight of those tears. Tears that are... some of them are clear? He returns his focus to her.
Once the words end, the silence that follows is heavy. A soft sigh escapes Ekko. There's a glance around the room for tissues or anything that might do the trick.
After, he reaches up to put a hand on Jinx's shoulder.]
Was he good to you?
[There's a lot of things Ekko wouldn't forgive him for, and rightfully so.
Still, he wants to see what Jinx sees in that man. What she saw that had her outright fight Ekko, had them destroying the only relationship they could have had left of their old lives.
So the question isn't a trick. It's genuine. He'll concede if it means helping her feel just a little less fucked up.]
[She looks up at him, clearly a little surprised by his words.
It's hard to accept most of them, but that last part has her expression straining a little. After an unsteady breath, she gently nudges him with her foot.]
And you didn't? [There's a wry smile.] Those people... clearly cared a lot about you. Something that seemed to go both ways.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text
His lips drawing into a thin line, he gets out his device. It's.... better than nothing. He only hopes that she'll read it in time.
Ugh...]
sorry
i should be there[He makes a face, then erases that line before continuing.]
needed to step out for a moment
still here though
right outside. when you're ready
[He sends off the message and flops against the wall, going back to his silent self-loathing.]
Re: text
just
meet me at my cabin?
wanna talk to you about something
Re: text
[Biting back the urge to apologize again, he immediately heads off for her room, still wondering what the hell'd gotten into him.
Ultimately, he feels too weird about entering it without her already there, so he'll wait just outside.]
text -> in-person
[She means that, too. Even though she's not moving nearly as fast as she could, she isn't taking any detours. Once she's there, she tilts her head at him still standing outside. There's a dim smirk before she heads inside, holding the door open for him.
Jinx doesn't actually say anything until she's sitting on her bed. And... Ekko will be seeing part of why she doesn't spend all that much time in her cabin. The entire space looks mostly like some office, complete with a heavy-looking desk that likely resembles one Silco used. On it, there's a mug and ashtray that each look to have been hand-painted by a child.
Fortunately, the half of the room with Jinx's bed is coming along well. There's a wardrobe on that side, and then each nightstand has a lamp on it. She slides the more regular-looking chair over to beside her bed, and then she sits on the foot of the bed.]
... I remembered a little about why I'm like this.
no subject
What?
[Listen, he's no gentleman, but still. You don't just go into a girl's room! ...even though she gave him permission. Shhh.
When he goes in, it only takes a second before he feels chills through his body. He's never seen the place before, and yet it's instantly clear just who it belongs to...
Studiously ignoring that, he takes the offered seat and focuses his attention on Jinx. There's a brief moment he looks a little surprised, but it smooths away quickly.]
Yeah?
[His voice is softer, a gentle encouragement.]
no subject
[Her eyes are shining a bit now.]
I know because... I woke up. In the middle of having Shimmer pushed through my entire body. It felt like... ... like everything was just... lava.
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After a moment, he scoots a little closer, leaning forward slightly as he speaks softly.]
What... happened, exactly? I mean... how'd he get a hold of you?
[It's difficult to give Silco the benefit of the doubt, but he's trying for Jinx's sake.]
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I even saw myself there.
Literally the only detail I'm sure about is that it was Singed, and that I... died on that table. So it-... it wasn't me that killed me. I think... it was Singed, and that he was trying to turn me into something... worse than I already was.
[Her fingernails are biting into her own hands, her gaze shifting from Ekko to the floor, and then back again.]
no subject
Why does shit like this just keep happening?
Fuck that guy...
[It's definitely the strongest language he's used since he's gotten here. And the look in his eyes? It's truly murderous.]
cw: drugs, child labor & heavy abuse, needles, eye
I didn't even know it until... I got a little curious, one day. Paid a little more attention to that guy. Guess there's a reason I never had a good feeling about him. Aside from the obvious, anyway...
[She hates... all of this. All of it. Hell, Singed is the reason even Silco-...]
... You know... Silco had me injecting him, daily? Early on. I didn't really ask what it was, at first. Then... I found out. I was injecting Shimmer into his eye. The same time every... single day. And I never really considered it was probably super messed up, because he was- he... took me in when I really thought I had nowhere to go!
He told me all about how Vander nearly killed him, and how... he was betrayed by everyone he loved, when he was younger. So I thought-! maybe... just once... there was someone who'd accept me, even at my craziest...
[Her face is streaked with a mixture of pink tears and clear ones.]
Even when I reunited with Vi... she was still... calling me Powder. I'd correct her, and it was... still just... Powder. She didn't want me. [Only Powder. Always Powder. The person she couldn't be - not without lying to herself.] So I- I know, Ekko. I know... Silco's one of the worst people... in the entire. World. He does these horrible things, including making kids work in his Shimmer factory, and destroying all kinds of lives! He... is obsessed with making Zaun, and... there's nothing he wouldn't give to make it happen. He'd... probably give me to Piltover.
[Voicing that thought hurts.]
But at... the end of the day, he never demanded I be Powder, and he gave me a home. He never... actually made me do anything I didn't want to do. He just... knew how to convince me... really well.
[Jinx has realized quite a lot. Including that... Silco had been manipulating her all those years.]
no subject
He blinks a few times, gaze coming back up to Jinx. By that point, she'd moved onto Silco.
He's quiet the whole way through, brow furrowing once more at the sight of those tears. Tears that are... some of them are clear? He returns his focus to her.
Once the words end, the silence that follows is heavy. A soft sigh escapes Ekko. There's a glance around the room for tissues or anything that might do the trick.
After, he reaches up to put a hand on Jinx's shoulder.]
Was he good to you?
[There's a lot of things Ekko wouldn't forgive him for, and rightfully so.
Still, he wants to see what Jinx sees in that man. What she saw that had her outright fight Ekko, had them destroying the only relationship they could have had left of their old lives.
So the question isn't a trick. It's genuine. He'll concede if it means helping her feel just a little less fucked up.]
no subject
He treated me like-... like his daughter.
[Jinx hurriedly presses her palms to her eyes, shoulders trembling just a bit. Why did he have to act like he cared so much, just to be so-...??
It hurts... so much...]
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Maybe that's what you were to him, then.
[Silco was still a terrible man. Still fucked up all to hell. And yet, he recognized that in some way - he must have tried with Jinx.
He looks up with a soft sigh.]
If it's true he was betrayed by everyone, then... maybe he saw some of that in you. Some of himself.
Good and bad's often more muddy than it is black and white.
no subject
I... doubt it was really that.
[Jinx listens to the rest, brow tense.]
... Maybe. But... don't even know which I'd prefer.
no subject
[It's quiet, gaze averted. It's... possibly the most forward he's been about how he feels. The most he's ever verbalized right to her.]
What I'm tryin' to say is...
[He finally brings his gaze back to her.]
We were just kids, you know? After everything I've heard... I don't think you were wrong. Delusional. Anything like that.
[He leans back in the chair, letting out a sigh as he looks at the ceiling.]
I don't think I ever wanted to admit it, not even to myself, but part of why it hurt was... because I was jealous.
I'd never be okay living with Silco. But somehow, after everything that happened, you found family again. You found a place to be.
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It's hard to accept most of them, but that last part has her expression straining a little. After an unsteady breath, she gently nudges him with her foot.]
And you didn't? [There's a wry smile.] Those people... clearly cared a lot about you. Something that seemed to go both ways.
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It eventually got to be something like that, yeah. It took... a lot of time.
Things were pretty rough for awhile, there.
[In between grieving, losing most if not all his close contacts, and then trying to just survive?
Well, Ekko grew up fast, that's for sure.
After a moment, he puts his hand on her shoulder.]
...for what it's worth? I'm glad we're both here... no matter what kind of twisted path we had to endure for it.
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Yeah? [Jinx can feel her stomach do something a little weird, from that touch being combined with the gesture.] I... feel the same way.
[There's a softening of her expression as she looks at him.]
no subject
[Now it's Ekko's turn to be surprised and flustered. It wasn't that he doubted her or felt she'd lie about this, it was just...
She'd been through a lot. Arguably, far more than himself. So it's just -
It's a lot that she'd consider this... them? Worth all that.]
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[She sounds very certain of that, too.]
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Ekko has no idea what to do. His mind has just blanked out, and... his face is warming up, for sure.]
...heh.
[He pulls away, hand coming up to awkwardly rub at the back of his neck for a moment as he glances to the side.]
So, uh... You feeling a little a better, now?