In between the spectacular starry view, said spectacular view somehow possible without a visible barrier protecting them from the vacuum of space, the fact that he's here at all now, and Jinx just sitting with a cat in her lap for several minutes...
... the latter is probably the most impossible thing he's seen all day.
While he remains in a spot that is hopefully inconspicuous and hidden from the woman, he wrestles with himself. Wrestles with the shockingly softened look on her face that he just saw, right before everything went white.
The look not of Jinx, but of Powder.
Ultimately, he decides it isn't a good time.
... only to come back by the area about a couple hours later, looking in and visibly startling (and this time, definitely within Jinx's sight) when he sees her... still there, with the same cat??
Aside from the unusual softness, the different clothes, and the sheer strangeness of her with a cat, he'll be able to notice the signs of tears.
Just in time for him to be spotted by the very person he's mentally wrestling over. Pinkish, violet eyes widen after landing on his face, and Jinx momentarily seems unsure of herself. Like she's caught between two options, or maybe as though she isn't sure of what she's seeing. In truth, she isn't - this isn't the first time she's seen Ekko on the Barge, after all.
It's not until after she holds a blink, takes a deep breath, and then confirms that he's still standing there, that she finally frowns. Awkwardly, she calls out, "When did you get here, Boy Savior?"
Immediately, his brow furrows, and he returns for the umpteenth time, "I've told you to quit calling me that."
He stares for a long moment...
...then finally, clicks his tongue irritably, heading over to the door and coming into the room proper.
Granted, seeing her like this, almost... normal? Is enough to keep him from immediately slamming her with questions and accusations. Enough to have him faltering, long enough to notice the sure signs of crying.
"How..." his own tone takes on a certain awkwardness even as he tries to retain some amount of indifference, "... long have you been sitting there?"
Ugh. What a stupid question. Good job, Boy Savior.
There's a heavy dose of sass in her tone, with her eyebrows lifted to really emphasize it. Yet, with the next part, her voice is quieter. She's looking down as she mutters, "Yet it's exactly what you are..."
But, then, he's coming inside. She looks up a little quickly, like she's immediately bracing for an attack, the anxiety in her expression super obvious. Yet... there is no attack. Only a ridiculous question.
"Long enough to lose track of time, I guess? ... Why?"
He bristles at the words, even if they are quieter, but it's quickly dispelled by her response. ...just her verbal response. Not the way she looked at him just now.
Long enough to lose track of time... sure enough. Except when has he ever seen Jinx so still in his entire life?
Even when she still went by Powder, she was always so animated - her movements only mostly arrested when she was deeply focused in her work.
He steps to the side, just in case he maybe missed something, and frowns. No sort of mechanism or tinkering thing in sight - just the cat.
"No reason," he lies. Badly. Eyes going back to her. "And how long have you been here?"
Jinx watches him with a slight frown, a guarded expression on her own face, but no sign of hostility - for now, at least. One hand absently runs over the cat on her lap as she considers his question.
"Almost a month," she starts, and then she adds with what she wishes sounded indifferent, "Inmate or warden?"
The realization hits immediately like a ton of bricks, his gut sinking. His expression tightens. He turns and looks very, very ready to just walk back out...
But his feet don't move. His chest aches too much. That should be even more reason to leave, but he's never been good at acting on reason.
A hand comes up, rubs over his face, pinches the bridge of his nose and then flops down. Much in the way... he sort of comes over, still stopping a good few feet away before he just flops down onto the floor in defeat, legs crossed and looking much like a huffy child who was just told a child's most hated word: No.
... and apparently this is all the invitation needed for one of the other cats to crawl right into his lap, purring and pressing its head aggressively into a hand.
Slowly, tension leaks out of him. His expression softens a bit. Hesitantly, he gives the cat a small pet.
It seemed he wasn't going to answer that question. Maybe he's stalling, maybe he's digesting all the implications in that question and her tone of voice.
Finally, eyes firmly on the feline snuggling up to him, he mutters,
She looks up, watching him digest the answer. Heh... she's seen that look on his face before. He never was good at letting things (people) go. Never that much different from Vi (and herself), in that regard. She hates it as much as she finds some comfort in those reminders of back then. She hates him being here as much as she finds herself so very glad to see him...
Her eyes sting.
"Yeah? Guess... this place really does have a way of throwing surprises at some of us."
Jinx finds it easy, suddenly, to slide the cat off of her lap. She slowly stands, tired gaze on the door. She's somehow torn between staying and going, so she chooses to start walking. Through the door, her steps slow. Something about this - about Ekko - has her entire body buzzing with frustration. And yet, there's this threat of apathy trying to pull her down. Protect her... from herself.
"Look for John. He'll help you get some of your stuff back," she calls over her shoulder, barely turning her head as she does. Ekko might get an uneasy feeling about her going off to be alone.
"If that's such a surprise, you really don't know me."
There's something considerably tense in his gaze as he says that, and he looks up when the cat is removed. His eyebrows raise up, and he too pushes his own furry charge off of him to hurry to a stand.
"Seriously?! I get here, come to talk for once and you just— run away?!"
He walks after her, making a point of it:
"The first time we've had a conversation that didn't involve beating each other bloody in years?"
Jinx feels it says less about how well she knows him, and more about how rotten their world really is. She shakes her head, but doesn't bother to respond to the first part. He knows as well as she does what it's like where they come from. Ekko's the closest there is to pure good.
Sure his hands aren't perfectly clean, but they're also not drenched in blood, like so many others.
He comes after her, because of course he does. And those questions... they probably should piss her off. But all she feels is a bitter laugh creeping up her throat. Without turning around, she stops walking, head tilting back as she asks, "Where am I running to, exactly, Ekko? We're on the same prison ship..."
As though she hasn't already scoped out countless places to curl up, where so few would be able to find her. She lets out a breathy, wry laugh, shrugging weakly.
"What do you want me to say? 'Hey, so sorry 'bout blowin' ya up, buddy!' Heh..."
She wants him to lash out more. To make her pay. To hurt her... as much as she ever hurt him. To prove there's no chance of redemption. Spinning towards him, she shoves him back, putting as much strength behind it as she can manage. She hisses the words out, lacing each one with as much venom as she can manage.
"All you'll get out of talking to me, Boy Savior, is reminders of everything you failed at! You couldn't save me, just like you couldn't save Vi, Vander, or even your dad!"
Pink tears stream down her cheeks; she's... not yelling at Ekko.
As if this ship wasn't big enough she couldn't find a place to hide away from him for awhile.
And then, his brow furrows deeper, just before she turns towards him, eyes widening and body tensing just before he's shoved back, stumbling back.
He breathes heavily as he stares at her, right before his gaze darkens at those words.
Eyes narrowing, he straightens up and marches towards her, looking for all intents and purposes that he's going to get violent...
He stops right in front of her. Looking into those pink eyes. The pink tears. The way her skin almost seems translucent. ... her nose had been broken, at some point.
It dawns on him. If people here classified as inmates had their "powers" taken... Jinx had a little muscle on her, but not much. She'd be completely outmatched with him.
She feels... strange, when he marches towards her. Her body is rigid, and there's a flash of regret, of something resembling guilt. Her shortening breaths pick up in speed, and... that's it, apparently. The question earns a sudden scream out of her, the years of overwhelming pain. Desperation, fear... It pours out as she slams both fists into his chest.
"Aren't you!?"
Isn't he DONE with her!? Doesn't he consider her a LOST cause?? So why isn't he taking the bait?? Why is he being so... so— Another scream of frustration.
"You've got... no right... to lecture me on just doin' what everyone else does to me, in the end! If you all aren't lying, you're just waiting for an opportunity to walk away! The ONLY one who was there was Silco, and even he—!"
Even he lied to her. Betrayed her. Would probably trade her to the Pilties for his dream of Zaun. Her fists are barely hitting Ekko's chest, if he's letting her continue to do that, but the agony in her voice only grows stronger.
Despite being the one who was advancing, it's him flinching when his ears are suddenly assaulted and his chest is beat on. It hurts, but he's taken far, far worse before.
His hard frown stays on his face throughout her rant. He does not, in fact, stop her.
It's at that final question, he grabs her wrists, but not roughly.
"The hell do you think I was doing all those years, Jinx?! Begging you to leave that old bastard for the fun of it?"
But he knows.
He knows he gave up too quick. He knows he stopped trying too fast. It'd come crashing down on him like a ton of bricks during the last moments of their fight.
"What do you want me to say, huh?!"
His hands start to squeeze her wrists, but he lets go of them like he touched hot iron before it comes close to actually hurting her.
"You want me to say I fucked up? That I should've tried harder? That I should have—" His voice catches a bit, "should have believed in you when you willingly went with the man who killed my dad?!"
A tear leaks out. He stands there for a moment, breath faltering, before he swallows.
"Because I did, you know. I did, but I..."
Vi believed in her. Vander would have.
Why was he always such a damn coward?
Finally, he just shrugs weakly and shakes his head.
"But nothing," he finally says, voice barely above a whisper. "That's all I got.
"I fucked up. I should have tried harder. I should have believed.
Assuming it is always one thing, while outright hearing the words is another. Jinx is taking several steps away from him, trying not to let those three words taunt her into yet another spiral, but there's no stopping the perpetual damage. Suddenly she can't look at Ekko directly, the flash of colors over his face causing her to flinch. The warped grin on his lips isn't real... It's not real... It can't be real.
Stop.
... Please... stop.
Jinx feels her throat tightening, burning.
One trembling hand moves to her head before she takes more steps away from Ekko, finally finding her voice.
Maybe? I'd say that's what breaches are Last flood all inmates and wardens were psychologically compelled to stay within arms-length of whoever they were paired to; get too far away, and you'd pass out The flood before that, if you touched a copy of someone's shoes you gained their life story and forgot your own, and the Barge was covered with shoes And the flood before that, if you didn't touch someone every so often you'd freeze So they tend to have.... some sort of theme that forces us to engage with each other
The shoes one was entertaining, in retrospect Scroll back far enough on the network and you'll see a lot of people acting and looking very strangely over the span of a week Though it kept resurrecting me? Which was very rude.
[Ash does, in fact, let herself in. She's not looking quite like herself; her hair's chin-length, choppy and layered, and she's in a leotard and jean shorts. This is probably the most skin Jinx has ever seen her show; hell, it's probably the most skin half the Barge has ever seen her show.]
Oh that definitely sounds annoying to deal with I'll have to scroll back more!
[Jinx rolls into a sitting position before waving.]
So far... no? Nothing that feels different from the usual, for me, anyway. I even started paying more attention after your heads up! Maybe it missed me, or... maybe it'll take a while to notice.
Mm. In my experience there's two sorts of floods -- there's ones where it comes on all at once, and we all suffer the same strange effects, except for a few who are immune somehow? And there's ones where it's more of a 'rolling' effect, individually-personalized, where you suffer several different changes over the week. Not all at once, mind you, they've got different lengths of effect.
So it's probably the second one, if you don't feel like a change in style would feel nice right about now -- I really do need a better word than 'effect'... [Right, getting right into it:] Where's your clothes?
Ah... Yeah, that's probably it. I'm not the lucky type, so being left out is way less likely!
[She points over to the wardrobe.]
In there! Just... ignore the suits.
[More like, 'please don't touch said suits', though she can't bring herself to outright say it. Because that means facing the fact that she doesn't want anyone else touching them.]
Right, right... well, if you feel a strong desire to start dressing in flannels at any point this week, that one's probably mine.
[It's better than it used to be! She used to wear variations on the same three outfits almost in perpetuity. And then she nearly had a nervous breakdown about it, rearranged a large portion of her wardrobe, and now a decent chunk of the time there's no flannels in sight.
Ash does disappear into the wardrobe for a bit; they do not in fact ignore the suits -- they very much perceive the suits -- but no touching is done. It was very tempting! They love touching things they're explicitly not supposed to touch! But no.
They're a few inches taller than Jinx herself is, though, so when they emerge (their original outfit mysteriously gone(?) and another few items of clothing folded under one arm), while her style isn't exactly skimpy there's a fair bit of very pale skin being shown off here. Not that Ashton looks particularly bothered by it! Quite the opposite.]
Thanks. It's alright if I take a few things with me, yes? I'll bring everything back when I'm not... [shrug!] You know. Flood-changed.
[Said suits look to be for a person much taller than Jinx, with lots of deep reds, grays, and black. The smell of them is likewise not very... Jinx, and may or may not have something to do with her not wanting anyone else touching them.
After Ash steps out, Jinx gives a nod and a fingergun gesture.]
Just dye your hair blue, and we'd suddenly look like siblings. [Granted, she has mixed feelings on that topic, so the joke is... definitely just a joke, in this case. She gives a shrug at the question.] Perfectly fine with me! Let me know if you want matching nails, or anything, next.
[Not something she's done for anyone else, but that is one of the things she was able to find, in her style, back on that Station.]
Not exactly my color. [Though they do run their fingers through their hair, leaving blue streaks as they go; the gradient of those is perfect powder-blue to electric-blue, cleaner than any dye could make it.] See? Mostly it just washes me out.
[...they can do their own nails with nearly zero effort, that's just pigmentation, but... well, what the hell, why not.]
There's nowhere I need to be? If you'd like, you can have free rein of my nails, we can see how extensive me borrowing your tastes is...
Whoa... I'm super jealous that you can just... do that! I'd be changing my hair up all the time. Granted... that's kind of what the wigs I'm making are for.
[Jinx points to a row of in-progress wigs, over in a corner. Though her attention is quickly tugged away by the agreement to let her paint Ash's nails. Her eyes light up as she claps her hands.]
Really? [She's always wanted someone to do this kind of thing with!] Okay! Sit here!
[She pats the bed before hurrying over to where she keeps the nail polish.]
Whenever you see someone behind the bar in the Lounge you don't recognize? That's probably me. Usually I do a new face every shift, lets me keep in practice.
If you want a change-up I can do hair, though; that's just cosmetics, that's easy.
[She sits at the very edge of the bed by reflex and habit with her heels on the ground, stays there for a second, and then scoots back far enough to get comfortable as she watches the younger girl scurry around. All compulsive neuroses about escape routes aside, she's pretty certain she could take Jinx in a fight, so she can turn that part of her paranoia down a little bit. Maybe.]
[She offers one hand to Jinx, palm-down. Up this close it's easier to see that her nail beds have a blueish tinge; she is a walking corpse, after all.]
While under the Admiral's restrictions you do need to consent to any changes I make, but anything you could plausibly manage with a disguise kit I can probably do.
[ Ellie's quick when she wants to be. She's crossed the multiple floors and is front of Jinx's door within minutes. It's late and she's already in her pajamas.
She's been careful on the Barge to always be in long sleeves if she leaves her room. On the rare occasion she doesn't, Ellie's bite is carefully bandaged; second nature after months of survival. Now Ellie's arm is bare, and that's what makes her hesitate outside of Jinx's door, one hand over the burned skin. The burn is patchy, where she tried pressing a heated knife against it, but only managed to do so much before the pain was too much. She prays it's enough to obscure the actual bite part of the mark to someone who's never seen one.
Couldn't use her to make a cure and didn't work have been looping in her head for hours. Her eyes are red from crying, despite her attempts to get herself together. The pain, Ellie will say, if she's asked. Can't look like a crybaby.
Ellie knocks lightly on Jinx's door before ducking her head in. ]
[She's putting things on her bed for first aid. Things to hopefully numb pain a little. She also has one of those traveling cold packs to help with any swelling. When Ellie knocks, she looks up, giving a small smile and nod.]
Not like I was gonna be sleeping anytime soon, again.
[Jinx gives a bit of a small shrug. She's super used to it. There's no question about the redness of those eyes, and no judgment here. Just... maybe some relief over not being alone. Only after the cabin door is closed and locked, does she get back to the reason for this visit.]
I know you said no questions, but... are you wanting first aid, or something more along the lines of... "fixing" how it looks?
[Where she's from, there are all types. People who use tattoos, piercings in crazy places, prosthetics...]
Back home, some people do artistic scarring. It's where you take the scar and... use things to make it look intentional, basically. Like... a flower, a skull, or some other symbol.
[ The rest of Ellie slips through the door, not answering the questions at first, giving the cabin a look over. It's different from what she'd imagined for someone like Jinx -- someone so loud and colorful. It's interesting, though, and her eyes are naturally drawn to the stained glass.
But she's here for a reason.
Ellie slips over to the bed, perching on the edge of it, the way her shoulders draw in making her smaller. ]
You can do that?
[ She trusts Jinx. Ellie wouldn't be here if she didn't. Still, her heart pounds at the thought of offering up her arm. Anywhere but the Barge, she'd be risking everything doing this. ]
I have a - old scar I want gone. I was trying to burn it off, but...It's not going so great. So...both, I guess.
[She sits next to Ellie, keeping some comfortable space between them for now. She looks at the arm, nodding as she listens.]
Scars can be... hard. [Jinx gives her a look that gives away she fully... gets trying to burn something away. ] ... To deal with, to even look at, sometimes...
[Jinx takes a deep breath, thinks for a moment, and then nods.]
Alright, so let's start with the first aid. We can figure out the rest while I do that. I've got some stuff here [She's moving to slide the kit over towards Ellie, so she can look through it.] that's like... magic, I swear it has to be. You rub this on an open wound and it's like - bam - no more pain-induced yelling!
[It doesn't fully stop the pain, but Jinx's pain tolerance is to a point where even halfway to stopped is insanely nice. From the looks of the tube she holds out for Ellie, it's been used several times and is primarily for preventing an infected injury.]
[ she looks over the tube with some awe, taking it and looking it over carefully. something like this would be a nearly impossible trade. how many ration cards would someone have thrown away for just a little of this?
she tries to imagine having something like this at home, not just making do with scavenged pills and gritted teeth. maybe it's easily available here, but-- ]
[Fortunately it's just actual... pain relief from regular drugs, and not Shimmer (since we don't wanna find out what that stuff does to someone with zombie immunity! Maybe?). That'd open a whole other can of worms.]
Positive. It's great, and all, but the expiration date's kind of fading, already. It probably doesn't have that much time left, and I'd rather it go to you, anyway.
[She gently presses it into Ellie's hand.]
You're gonna need it way more for something like this.
[She looks over when Ellie hisses. Hearing that, she can't help thinking back to when her leg got pretty fucked up that one time... One of the rare times she was in some real physical pain... before...
Jinx pushes that train of thought back, in favor of shifting and gesturing at just how far the tattoo stretches.]
I designed it, and then got help from an amazing artist. [She gives Ellie a smile before setting a pillow on her own lap, and then covering it with a towel.] Still wound up taking days to finish, because... y'know. Other clients, and all. But... it was worth every second. Every bit of money. Every sting...
[The smile on her lips doesn't reach her eyes, and there's a bit of longing in place of the smile. She quickly moves on.]
[After he's given himself a minute to come down from the rush of adrenaline, he can't help but hate himself a little more. Even if he hadn't fully left, well, Jinx had no way of knowing that, right?
His lips drawing into a thin line, he gets out his device. It's.... better than nothing. He only hopes that she'll read it in time.
Ugh...]
sorry i should be there
[He makes a face, then erases that line before continuing.]
needed to step out for a moment still here though right outside. when you're ready
[He sends off the message and flops against the wall, going back to his silent self-loathing.]
[She means that, too. Even though she's not moving nearly as fast as she could, she isn't taking any detours. Once she's there, she tilts her head at him still standing outside. There's a dim smirk before she heads inside, holding the door open for him.
Jinx doesn't actually say anything until she's sitting on her bed. And... Ekko will be seeing part of why she doesn't spend all that much time in her cabin. The entire space looks mostly like some office, complete with a heavy-looking desk that likely resembles one Silco used. On it, there's a mug and ashtray that each look to have been hand-painted by a child.
Fortunately, the half of the room with Jinx's bed is coming along well. There's a wardrobe on that side, and then each nightstand has a lamp on it. She slides the more regular-looking chair over to beside her bed, and then she sits on the foot of the bed.]
... I remembered a little about why I'm like this.
[Listen, he's no gentleman, but still. You don't just go into a girl's room! ...even though she gave him permission. Shhh.
When he goes in, it only takes a second before he feels chills through his body. He's never seen the place before, and yet it's instantly clear just who it belongs to...
Studiously ignoring that, he takes the offered seat and focuses his attention on Jinx. There's a brief moment he looks a little surprised, but it smooths away quickly.]
... Singed. The man who works for Silco... The one who created Shimmer, in the first place. He... experimented on me. Treated me like... one of his rats.
[Her eyes are shining a bit now.]
I know because... I woke up. In the middle of having Shimmer pushed through my entire body. It felt like... ... like everything was just... lava.
That's... the part I have no idea on. I- feel like... Silco was there, but I also... saw Vi there. And... Caitlyn...
I even saw myself there.
Literally the only detail I'm sure about is that it was Singed, and that I... died on that table. So it-... it wasn't me that killed me. I think... it was Singed, and that he was trying to turn me into something... worse than I already was.
[Her fingernails are biting into her own hands, her gaze shifting from Ekko to the floor, and then back again.]
Given... some of the other stuff he's done? It's not too surprising. It was his... experiment... that killed your... your dad. Deckard...
I didn't even know it until... I got a little curious, one day. Paid a little more attention to that guy. Guess there's a reason I never had a good feeling about him. Aside from the obvious, anyway...
[She hates... all of this. All of it. Hell, Singed is the reason even Silco-...]
... You know... Silco had me injecting him, daily? Early on. I didn't really ask what it was, at first. Then... I found out. I was injecting Shimmer into his eye. The same time every... single day. And I never really considered it was probably super messed up, because he was- he... took me in when I really thought I had nowhere to go!
He told me all about how Vander nearly killed him, and how... he was betrayed by everyone he loved, when he was younger. So I thought-! maybe... just once... there was someone who'd accept me, even at my craziest...
[Her face is streaked with a mixture of pink tears and clear ones.]
Even when I reunited with Vi... she was still... calling me Powder. I'd correct her, and it was... still just... Powder. She didn't want me. [Only Powder. Always Powder. The person she couldn't be - not without lying to herself.] So I- I know, Ekko. I know... Silco's one of the worst people... in the entire. World. He does these horrible things, including making kids work in his Shimmer factory, and destroying all kinds of lives! He... is obsessed with making Zaun, and... there's nothing he wouldn't give to make it happen. He'd... probably give me to Piltover.
[Voicing that thought hurts.]
But at... the end of the day, he never demanded I be Powder, and he gave me a home. He never... actually made me do anything I didn't want to do. He just... knew how to convince me... really well.
[Jinx has realized quite a lot. Including that... Silco had been manipulating her all those years.]
[Ekko's gaze raises again as he falls silent. The reminder has his pupils briefly dilatating, and he has to grip the sides of the chair to keep himself from being sucked back into that memory. The blood, Benzo's body, that thing—
He blinks a few times, gaze coming back up to Jinx. By that point, she'd moved onto Silco.
He's quiet the whole way through, brow furrowing once more at the sight of those tears. Tears that are... some of them are clear? He returns his focus to her.
Once the words end, the silence that follows is heavy. A soft sigh escapes Ekko. There's a glance around the room for tissues or anything that might do the trick.
After, he reaches up to put a hand on Jinx's shoulder.]
Was he good to you?
[There's a lot of things Ekko wouldn't forgive him for, and rightfully so.
Still, he wants to see what Jinx sees in that man. What she saw that had her outright fight Ekko, had them destroying the only relationship they could have had left of their old lives.
So the question isn't a trick. It's genuine. He'll concede if it means helping her feel just a little less fucked up.]
[She looks up at him, clearly a little surprised by his words.
It's hard to accept most of them, but that last part has her expression straining a little. After an unsteady breath, she gently nudges him with her foot.]
And you didn't? [There's a wry smile.] Those people... clearly cared a lot about you. Something that seemed to go both ways.
If necessary we can trade honesty for honesty: tell me and I'll answer a question, any question, of your choice. Honestly. Even if I think it's unbearably stupid.
oh man you're asking for a loooooong story guess I can try to shorten it a little?
[Unlike Ekko, she's pretty chill with this. Helps she gets a much sweeter deal!]
him and Powder met when their ages were still in the single digits when Mylo would be really mean to her about her inventions and ideas Ekko would just find them really cool he'd even give her ideas and ways to make them even better! Powder had Vi too but Vi was better at punching things and would only ever manage these sort of blanket compliments?
"wow you're really smart" "you could fix anything"
Ekko was adopted too so just a lot in common!
then
Silco killed Ekko's family not long before
Powder accidentally killed half her family and Vi
[She's already told Ekko what happened with Vi but it felt a little easier, in that case. Because, in a way, it kind of just slipped out without much thought behind it. It takes a few tries to put it into typed words.]
Vi hit Powder said that Mylo was right told her she really was a jinx blamed her for everything always going wrong
then
she left got thrown in prison but Powder had no way of knowing that
Ekko tried finding Powder after learning everything he was gonna save her from Silco without realizing
Powder was dead it was Jinx choosing to live with Silco
the next time we met without masks, it was a fight to the death
I killed us both
so here we are now
with him being ridiculously helpful nice hot
and the whole fucking reason I asked that question about sex! the idiot still didn't take the clue!! he keeps acting like he likes me then it's like he's I don't know second-guessing? remembering I'm the reason he's here in the first place???
I just don't think I could handle it if I did initiate and
Shot in the dark, but tell me if I'm wrong: was keeping you in working shape technically a business investment for him?
[They readjust their viewpoint a little and then reapproach. Are they projecting? Maybe! (Yes.)
It's uncharitable to think about the Prince like that, Ashton knows; he was about as close to a decent man in his position as he was going to get, at least to her, and it's not his fault she was too goddamn good at killing to get to take a week or two off. There was always somewhere or someone or something that she could be useful to or for.]
Might have gone differently if you wouldn't have been his anymore.
Back when I had a boss, he did genuinely threaten to have me killed a few times, though admittedly that was partially for dragging his daughter into situations she had no reason to be anywhere near. Hardly without cause.
...Ashton doesn't show up immediately, though; they need to pick out an outfit first. Jinx undoubtedly feels like shit right now, and they're not sure if they want to hammer it in by looking completely unruffled or soften that blow by going casual. Ultimately they end up opting for something they feel is roughly at the midpoint of the scale.
They're also doing this partially because they want to make her sweat. Look, they're mostly on sabbatical from being an evil son of a bitch, but sometimes the opportunity presents itself and they can't pass it up!
At about thirty-eight minutes past sending that last text, she raps twice on the door.
Edited (that could be any door. you have no proof it was ever a specific door.) 2025-10-07 23:30 (UTC)
Thirty-eight minutes is a very long wait for someone like Jinx, and she doesn't hide how annoyed she is.
She's wearing a pretty blatant pout as she opens the door, and then doesn't bother waiting; turning on her heel, she sulkily moves over to sit on her bed, back against the wall. Without saying a word, she pulls her knees to her chest, arms tightly wrapped around them.
"You don't need to look as though I'm here to escort you to your execution," Ash says teasingly as they step in and close the door behind them, their Dancer to their side, with the exact same tone they might have in any normal conversation. Like they didn't just threaten to stalk and ambush her explicitly against her will, with every indication they were serious about it.
(They were. Maybe not incredibly serious, because 'if John finds out about this, would he be displeased' is a meaningful level of cognition that's running interference here so that Ashton doesn't immediately default to the most asshole move possible, but Jinx? Jinx would make for a good project, if they really wanted to make her paranoid about it.)
She makes a face at Ash... but there's no hostile retort, no pointing out the obvious, and no... signs of her responding, at all, for a moment. She stares down at her own feet, turning some thoughts over in her head. Trying to sort reality from cruel hallucination from warped opinions...
It's a lot, but she does finally find her voice. Or, well, more precisely? Her willpower. It'd be so much easier to just shut down, but part of her genuinely doesn't want to. Not now, not yet...
"Feels like I was gone for so long... Yet... there was that whole other life, on top of it all... Who..."
Jinx looks up at Ashton, something that's a strange mix of empty and desperate in her eyes.
There's no sympathy in their gaze. No disdain, no cruelty or hatred, but still: no sympathy. She'll get that other places, won't she?
"We'll get to that. Before you get too far into your own head, though, I'd like to hear exactly what you wanted the results of your fun little experiment with arson to be."
It's very hard not to slip all the way into her own head, and just sink entirely... but the direction change works. She lets out a heavy sigh.
"Heh... experiment... I guess you could call it that."
She mutters that, and there's a moment where it's completely random rambling about tests and experiments. But, she does finally come to a conclusion.
"The Necromancer... brought me back after there was... There's nothing for me! Not home, not here! Why even bother?! I'm just gonna keep fucking it all up, losing everyone, so... why not beat myself to the goddamn punch??"
"The thing is," Ashton starts, clasping their hands together, "I tried that. Because I was certain I was going to fuck it up anyway, and everyone needed to be reminded that I was a monster, and that they should cut their losses early; I was certain I could never graduate, and fuck them all for wasting their trust on me, I didn't deserve it. I'd just force everyone to give up on me before they could choose to do it on their own time."
She tips her head a fraction of an inch. "So for that, I killed four people. I stalked them for days to be sure they'd be easy to slaughter. Two of them let me into their cabins because they trusted the face I was wearing, and I killed them in their beds as they tried to help me. If John had been ten seconds later in stopping me than he was, I would've killed five.
And did it work? Take a wild guess." Given how close they are with John, with Sokie -- it's not a guess at all. Jinx has working eyes and ears and she's literate. She can draw the correct conclusion here.
"I'm a worse and far more unforgivable thing than you are, love," said with frankness, though the love is almost kind; unless Jinx has massacred cities and children for kicks she's a far better person than they are, "and it didn't work for me, either. All the people who care about you are going to see is that you're in a great deal of pain, and that makes them want to be there for you even more. Tough luck."
Maybe it would work if she'd shaped her social circle in a very different way, but she didn't. And if there's anyone it's completely impossible to chase away by being a nightmarish fuckup and trying to destroy the good things you have so nobody can take them away from you -- Ash fucking tried to make John consider them a lost cause. It would never have worked, no matter how hard they tried.
At no point do they look at her with any negative emotion in their eyes, nor really any positive one either. They just look at her with understanding.
[With a happy grin even in her voice, she's going to sprint the entire way there. Not because she feels the need to rush, but because she suddenly has lots of energy to spare now.
True to her word, she is there in a matter of minutes, and rushing in with the intention of half-tackling him with a hug, on sight.]
[Jinx grins up at him, once she's back on the floor.]
I bet John'll wanna throw a little celebration later, too. [Given how down she'd started to be over getting passed around, and then Rawne seemed to be feeling kind of similar... this totally warrants all the celebration.] So, what do permanent pairs usually do first?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Welcome Aboard, Ekko
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... the latter is probably the most impossible thing he's seen all day.
While he remains in a spot that is hopefully inconspicuous and hidden from the woman, he wrestles with himself. Wrestles with the shockingly softened look on her face that he just saw, right before everything went white.
The look not of Jinx, but of Powder.
Ultimately, he decides it isn't a good time.
... only to come back by the area about a couple hours later, looking in and visibly startling (and this time, definitely within Jinx's sight) when he sees her... still there, with the same cat??
Is he fucking hallucinating?
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Just in time for him to be spotted by the very person he's mentally wrestling over. Pinkish, violet eyes widen after landing on his face, and Jinx momentarily seems unsure of herself. Like she's caught between two options, or maybe as though she isn't sure of what she's seeing. In truth, she isn't - this isn't the first time she's seen Ekko on the Barge, after all.
It's not until after she holds a blink, takes a deep breath, and then confirms that he's still standing there, that she finally frowns. Awkwardly, she calls out, "When did you get here, Boy Savior?"
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He stares for a long moment...
...then finally, clicks his tongue irritably, heading over to the door and coming into the room proper.
Granted, seeing her like this, almost... normal? Is enough to keep him from immediately slamming her with questions and accusations. Enough to have him faltering, long enough to notice the sure signs of crying.
"How..." his own tone takes on a certain awkwardness even as he tries to retain some amount of indifference, "... long have you been sitting there?"
Ugh. What a stupid question. Good job, Boy Savior.
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There's a heavy dose of sass in her tone, with her eyebrows lifted to really emphasize it. Yet, with the next part, her voice is quieter. She's looking down as she mutters, "Yet it's exactly what you are..."
But, then, he's coming inside. She looks up a little quickly, like she's immediately bracing for an attack, the anxiety in her expression super obvious. Yet... there is no attack. Only a ridiculous question.
"Long enough to lose track of time, I guess? ... Why?"
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Long enough to lose track of time... sure enough. Except when has he ever seen Jinx so still in his entire life?
Even when she still went by Powder, she was always so animated - her movements only mostly arrested when she was deeply focused in her work.
He steps to the side, just in case he maybe missed something, and frowns. No sort of mechanism or tinkering thing in sight - just the cat.
"No reason," he lies. Badly. Eyes going back to her. "And how long have you been here?"
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"Almost a month," she starts, and then she adds with what she wishes sounded indifferent, "Inmate or warden?"
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The realization hits immediately like a ton of bricks, his gut sinking. His expression tightens. He turns and looks very, very ready to just walk back out...
But his feet don't move. His chest aches too much. That should be even more reason to leave, but he's never been good at acting on reason.
A hand comes up, rubs over his face, pinches the bridge of his nose and then flops down. Much in the way... he sort of comes over, still stopping a good few feet away before he just flops down onto the floor in defeat, legs crossed and looking much like a huffy child who was just told a child's most hated word: No.
... and apparently this is all the invitation needed for one of the other cats to crawl right into his lap, purring and pressing its head aggressively into a hand.
Slowly, tension leaks out of him. His expression softens a bit. Hesitantly, he gives the cat a small pet.
It seemed he wasn't going to answer that question. Maybe he's stalling, maybe he's digesting all the implications in that question and her tone of voice.
Finally, eyes firmly on the feline snuggling up to him, he mutters,
"Inmate."
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Her eyes sting.
"Yeah? Guess... this place really does have a way of throwing surprises at some of us."
Jinx finds it easy, suddenly, to slide the cat off of her lap. She slowly stands, tired gaze on the door. She's somehow torn between staying and going, so she chooses to start walking. Through the door, her steps slow. Something about this - about Ekko - has her entire body buzzing with frustration. And yet, there's this threat of apathy trying to pull her down. Protect her... from herself.
"Look for John. He'll help you get some of your stuff back," she calls over her shoulder, barely turning her head as she does. Ekko might get an uneasy feeling about her going off to be alone.
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There's something considerably tense in his gaze as he says that, and he looks up when the cat is removed. His eyebrows raise up, and he too pushes his own furry charge off of him to hurry to a stand.
"Seriously?! I get here, come to talk for once and you just— run away?!"
He walks after her, making a point of it:
"The first time we've had a conversation that didn't involve beating each other bloody in years?"
1/2
Sure his hands aren't perfectly clean, but they're also not drenched in blood, like so many others.
He comes after her, because of course he does. And those questions... they probably should piss her off. But all she feels is a bitter laugh creeping up her throat. Without turning around, she stops walking, head tilting back as she asks, "Where am I running to, exactly, Ekko? We're on the same prison ship..."
As though she hasn't already scoped out countless places to curl up, where so few would be able to find her. She lets out a breathy, wry laugh, shrugging weakly.
2/2 - i'm so sorry Ekko
She wants him to lash out more. To make her pay. To hurt her... as much as she ever hurt him. To prove there's no chance of redemption. Spinning towards him, she shoves him back, putting as much strength behind it as she can manage. She hisses the words out, lacing each one with as much venom as she can manage.
"All you'll get out of talking to me, Boy Savior, is reminders of everything you failed at! You couldn't save me, just like you couldn't save Vi, Vander, or even your dad!"
Pink tears stream down her cheeks; she's... not yelling at Ekko.
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As if this ship wasn't big enough she couldn't find a place to hide away from him for awhile.
And then, his brow furrows deeper, just before she turns towards him, eyes widening and body tensing just before he's shoved back, stumbling back.
He breathes heavily as he stares at her, right before his gaze darkens at those words.
Eyes narrowing, he straightens up and marches towards her, looking for all intents and purposes that he's going to get violent...
He stops right in front of her. Looking into those pink eyes. The pink tears. The way her skin almost seems translucent. ... her nose had been broken, at some point.
It dawns on him. If people here classified as inmates had their "powers" taken... Jinx had a little muscle on her, but not much. She'd be completely outmatched with him.
Finally, he says,
"You done yet?"
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"Aren't you!?"
Isn't he DONE with her!? Doesn't he consider her a LOST cause?? So why isn't he taking the bait?? Why is he being so... so— Another scream of frustration.
"You've got... no right... to lecture me on just doin' what everyone else does to me, in the end! If you all aren't lying, you're just waiting for an opportunity to walk away! The ONLY one who was there was Silco, and even he—!"
Even he lied to her. Betrayed her. Would probably trade her to the Pilties for his dream of Zaun. Her fists are barely hitting Ekko's chest, if he's letting her continue to do that, but the agony in her voice only grows stronger.
"Why does everyone always lie or give up on me??"
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His hard frown stays on his face throughout her rant. He does not, in fact, stop her.
It's at that final question, he grabs her wrists, but not roughly.
"The hell do you think I was doing all those years, Jinx?! Begging you to leave that old bastard for the fun of it?"
But he knows.
He knows he gave up too quick. He knows he stopped trying too fast. It'd come crashing down on him like a ton of bricks during the last moments of their fight.
"What do you want me to say, huh?!"
His hands start to squeeze her wrists, but he lets go of them like he touched hot iron before it comes close to actually hurting her.
"You want me to say I fucked up? That I should've tried harder? That I should have—" His voice catches a bit, "should have believed in you when you willingly went with the man who killed my dad?!"
A tear leaks out. He stands there for a moment, breath faltering, before he swallows.
"Because I did, you know. I did, but I..."
Vi believed in her. Vander would have.
Why was he always such a damn coward?
Finally, he just shrugs weakly and shakes his head.
"But nothing," he finally says, voice barely above a whisper. "That's all I got.
"I fucked up. I should have tried harder. I should have believed.
"But I didn't."
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Assuming it is always one thing, while outright hearing the words is another. Jinx is taking several steps away from him, trying not to let those three words taunt her into yet another spiral, but there's no stopping the perpetual damage. Suddenly she can't look at Ekko directly, the flash of colors over his face causing her to flinch. The warped grin on his lips isn't real... It's not real... It can't be real.
Stop.
... Please... stop.
Jinx feels her throat tightening, burning.
One trembling hand moves to her head before she takes more steps away from Ekko, finally finding her voice.
private text, ~11PM first night of flood
This is going to sound like an odd request, but
Would you mind lending out a bit of your wardrobe? There's a flood going on and I think it's getting to me.
Re: private text, ~11PM first night of flood
Floods are where we're moving too close to another place right?
Re: private text, ~11PM first night of flood
I'd say that's what breaches are
Last flood all inmates and wardens were psychologically compelled to stay within arms-length of whoever they were paired to; get too far away, and you'd pass out
The flood before that, if you touched a copy of someone's shoes you gained their life story and forgot your own, and the Barge was covered with shoes
And the flood before that, if you didn't touch someone every so often you'd freeze
So they tend to have.... some sort of theme that forces us to engage with each other
[...he's rambling.]
I'll be by shortly.
Re: private text, ~11PM first night of flood
love it!
[No love to be found here.]
door's open so you can let yourself in
[She's going to be lying on her bed, drawing, and paying way less attention to the door than she probably should, during a Flood!]
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Scroll back far enough on the network and you'll see a lot of people acting and looking very strangely over the span of a week
Though it kept resurrecting me? Which was very rude.
[Ash does, in fact, let herself in. She's not looking quite like herself; her hair's chin-length, choppy and layered, and she's in a leotard and jean shorts. This is probably the most skin Jinx has ever seen her show; hell, it's probably the most skin half the Barge has ever seen her show.]
Nothing too strange happen to you yet?
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I'll have to scroll back more!
[Jinx rolls into a sitting position before waving.]
So far... no? Nothing that feels different from the usual, for me, anyway. I even started paying more attention after your heads up! Maybe it missed me, or... maybe it'll take a while to notice.
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So it's probably the second one, if you don't feel like a change in style would feel nice right about now -- I really do need a better word than 'effect'... [Right, getting right into it:] Where's your clothes?
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[She points over to the wardrobe.]
In there! Just... ignore the suits.
[More like, 'please don't touch said suits', though she can't bring herself to outright say it. Because that means facing the fact that she doesn't want anyone else touching them.]
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[It's better than it used to be! She used to wear variations on the same three outfits almost in perpetuity. And then she nearly had a nervous breakdown about it, rearranged a large portion of her wardrobe, and now a decent chunk of the time there's no flannels in sight.
Ash does disappear into the wardrobe for a bit; they do not in fact ignore the suits -- they very much perceive the suits -- but no touching is done. It was very tempting! They love touching things they're explicitly not supposed to touch! But no.
They're a few inches taller than Jinx herself is, though, so when they emerge (their original outfit mysteriously gone(?) and another few items of clothing folded under one arm), while her style isn't exactly skimpy there's a fair bit of very pale skin being shown off here. Not that Ashton looks particularly bothered by it! Quite the opposite.]
Thanks. It's alright if I take a few things with me, yes? I'll bring everything back when I'm not... [shrug!] You know. Flood-changed.
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After Ash steps out, Jinx gives a nod and a fingergun gesture.]
Just dye your hair blue, and we'd suddenly look like siblings. [Granted, she has mixed feelings on that topic, so the joke is... definitely just a joke, in this case. She gives a shrug at the question.] Perfectly fine with me! Let me know if you want matching nails, or anything, next.
[Not something she's done for anyone else, but that is one of the things she was able to find, in her style, back on that Station.]
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[...they can do their own nails with nearly zero effort, that's just pigmentation, but... well, what the hell, why not.]
There's nowhere I need to be? If you'd like, you can have free rein of my nails, we can see how extensive me borrowing your tastes is...
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Whoa... I'm super jealous that you can just... do that! I'd be changing my hair up all the time. Granted... that's kind of what the wigs I'm making are for.
[Jinx points to a row of in-progress wigs, over in a corner. Though her attention is quickly tugged away by the agreement to let her paint Ash's nails. Her eyes light up as she claps her hands.]
Really? [She's always wanted someone to do this kind of thing with!] Okay! Sit here!
[She pats the bed before hurrying over to where she keeps the nail polish.]
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If you want a change-up I can do hair, though; that's just cosmetics, that's easy.
[She sits at the very edge of the bed by reflex and habit with her heels on the ground, stays there for a second, and then scoots back far enough to get comfortable as she watches the younger girl scurry around. All compulsive neuroses about escape routes aside, she's pretty certain she could take Jinx in a fight, so she can turn that part of her paranoia down a little bit. Maybe.]
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[She returns with everything she needs, and then lightly plops herself down next to Ash.]
Wait... really? You can change it up, just like that?
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[She offers one hand to Jinx, palm-down. Up this close it's easier to see that her nail beds have a blueish tinge; she is a walking corpse, after all.]
While under the Admiral's restrictions you do need to consent to any changes I make, but anything you could plausibly manage with a disguise kit I can probably do.
text; pre-flood
how good are you at keeping a secret and not asking questions
Re: text; pre-flood
Re: text; pre-flood
need help from someone who won't tattle to joel or my warden
Re: text; pre-flood
which is to say I'm used to patching myself up and hiding it from someone
where you wanna meet? My cabin's got lots of supplies, but I can easily pack up and head somewhere else
Re: text; pre-flood
less chance someone nosey will come across us
Re: text; pre-flood
Door's unlocked
action;
She's been careful on the Barge to always be in long sleeves if she leaves her room. On the rare occasion she doesn't, Ellie's bite is carefully bandaged; second nature after months of survival. Now Ellie's arm is bare, and that's what makes her hesitate outside of Jinx's door, one hand over the burned skin. The burn is patchy, where she tried pressing a heated knife against it, but only managed to do so much before the pain was too much. She prays it's enough to obscure the actual bite part of the mark to someone who's never seen one.
Couldn't use her to make a cure and didn't work have been looping in her head for hours. Her eyes are red from crying, despite her attempts to get herself together. The pain, Ellie will say, if she's asked. Can't look like a crybaby.
Ellie knocks lightly on Jinx's door before ducking her head in. ]
Hey. Sorry, it's so late.
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Not like I was gonna be sleeping anytime soon, again.
[Jinx gives a bit of a small shrug. She's super used to it. There's no question about the redness of those eyes, and no judgment here. Just... maybe some relief over not being alone. Only after the cabin door is closed and locked, does she get back to the reason for this visit.]
I know you said no questions, but... are you wanting first aid, or something more along the lines of... "fixing" how it looks?
[Where she's from, there are all types. People who use tattoos, piercings in crazy places, prosthetics...]
Back home, some people do artistic scarring. It's where you take the scar and... use things to make it look intentional, basically. Like... a flower, a skull, or some other symbol.
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But she's here for a reason.
Ellie slips over to the bed, perching on the edge of it, the way her shoulders draw in making her smaller. ]
You can do that?
[ She trusts Jinx. Ellie wouldn't be here if she didn't. Still, her heart pounds at the thought of offering up her arm. Anywhere but the Barge, she'd be risking everything doing this. ]
I have a - old scar I want gone. I was trying to burn it off, but...It's not going so great. So...both, I guess.
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Scars can be... hard. [Jinx gives her a look that gives away she fully... gets trying to burn something away. ] ... To deal with, to even look at, sometimes...
[Jinx takes a deep breath, thinks for a moment, and then nods.]
Alright, so let's start with the first aid. We can figure out the rest while I do that. I've got some stuff here [She's moving to slide the kit over towards Ellie, so she can look through it.] that's like... magic, I swear it has to be. You rub this on an open wound and it's like - bam - no more pain-induced yelling!
[It doesn't fully stop the pain, but Jinx's pain tolerance is to a point where even halfway to stopped is insanely nice. From the looks of the tube she holds out for Ellie, it's been used several times and is primarily for preventing an infected injury.]
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[ she looks over the tube with some awe, taking it and looking it over carefully. something like this would be a nearly impossible trade. how many ration cards would someone have thrown away for just a little of this?
she tries to imagine having something like this at home, not just making do with scavenged pills and gritted teeth. maybe it's easily available here, but-- ]
Are you sure? Stuff's gotta be like gold.
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[Fortunately it's just actual... pain relief from regular drugs, and not Shimmer (since we don't wanna find out what that stuff does to someone with zombie immunity! Maybe?). That'd open a whole other can of worms.]
Positive. It's great, and all, but the expiration date's kind of fading, already. It probably doesn't have that much time left, and I'd rather it go to you, anyway.
[She gently presses it into Ellie's hand.]
You're gonna need it way more for something like this.
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[ lest she show too much emotion, Ellie ducks her head down to work the bottle open. ]
Do I put it on first?
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Yeah, might as well. It should make the rest way easier, that way!
[Now Jinx works on spraying and wiping tools down with disinfectant. Things she wouldn't bother with if it was just involving herself.]
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Did you do your own tattoos?
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Jinx pushes that train of thought back, in favor of shifting and gesturing at just how far the tattoo stretches.]
I designed it, and then got help from an amazing artist. [She gives Ellie a smile before setting a pillow on her own lap, and then covering it with a towel.] Still wound up taking days to finish, because... y'know. Other clients, and all. But... it was worth every second. Every bit of money. Every sting...
[The smile on her lips doesn't reach her eyes, and there's a bit of longing in place of the smile. She quickly moves on.]
How're you feeling?
text
His lips drawing into a thin line, he gets out his device. It's.... better than nothing. He only hopes that she'll read it in time.
Ugh...]
sorry
i should be there[He makes a face, then erases that line before continuing.]
needed to step out for a moment
still here though
right outside. when you're ready
[He sends off the message and flops against the wall, going back to his silent self-loathing.]
Re: text
just
meet me at my cabin?
wanna talk to you about something
Re: text
[Biting back the urge to apologize again, he immediately heads off for her room, still wondering what the hell'd gotten into him.
Ultimately, he feels too weird about entering it without her already there, so he'll wait just outside.]
text -> in-person
[She means that, too. Even though she's not moving nearly as fast as she could, she isn't taking any detours. Once she's there, she tilts her head at him still standing outside. There's a dim smirk before she heads inside, holding the door open for him.
Jinx doesn't actually say anything until she's sitting on her bed. And... Ekko will be seeing part of why she doesn't spend all that much time in her cabin. The entire space looks mostly like some office, complete with a heavy-looking desk that likely resembles one Silco used. On it, there's a mug and ashtray that each look to have been hand-painted by a child.
Fortunately, the half of the room with Jinx's bed is coming along well. There's a wardrobe on that side, and then each nightstand has a lamp on it. She slides the more regular-looking chair over to beside her bed, and then she sits on the foot of the bed.]
... I remembered a little about why I'm like this.
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What?
[Listen, he's no gentleman, but still. You don't just go into a girl's room! ...even though she gave him permission. Shhh.
When he goes in, it only takes a second before he feels chills through his body. He's never seen the place before, and yet it's instantly clear just who it belongs to...
Studiously ignoring that, he takes the offered seat and focuses his attention on Jinx. There's a brief moment he looks a little surprised, but it smooths away quickly.]
Yeah?
[His voice is softer, a gentle encouragement.]
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[Her eyes are shining a bit now.]
I know because... I woke up. In the middle of having Shimmer pushed through my entire body. It felt like... ... like everything was just... lava.
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After a moment, he scoots a little closer, leaning forward slightly as he speaks softly.]
What... happened, exactly? I mean... how'd he get a hold of you?
[It's difficult to give Silco the benefit of the doubt, but he's trying for Jinx's sake.]
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I even saw myself there.
Literally the only detail I'm sure about is that it was Singed, and that I... died on that table. So it-... it wasn't me that killed me. I think... it was Singed, and that he was trying to turn me into something... worse than I already was.
[Her fingernails are biting into her own hands, her gaze shifting from Ekko to the floor, and then back again.]
no subject
Why does shit like this just keep happening?
Fuck that guy...
[It's definitely the strongest language he's used since he's gotten here. And the look in his eyes? It's truly murderous.]
cw: drugs, child labor & heavy abuse, needles, eye
I didn't even know it until... I got a little curious, one day. Paid a little more attention to that guy. Guess there's a reason I never had a good feeling about him. Aside from the obvious, anyway...
[She hates... all of this. All of it. Hell, Singed is the reason even Silco-...]
... You know... Silco had me injecting him, daily? Early on. I didn't really ask what it was, at first. Then... I found out. I was injecting Shimmer into his eye. The same time every... single day. And I never really considered it was probably super messed up, because he was- he... took me in when I really thought I had nowhere to go!
He told me all about how Vander nearly killed him, and how... he was betrayed by everyone he loved, when he was younger. So I thought-! maybe... just once... there was someone who'd accept me, even at my craziest...
[Her face is streaked with a mixture of pink tears and clear ones.]
Even when I reunited with Vi... she was still... calling me Powder. I'd correct her, and it was... still just... Powder. She didn't want me. [Only Powder. Always Powder. The person she couldn't be - not without lying to herself.] So I- I know, Ekko. I know... Silco's one of the worst people... in the entire. World. He does these horrible things, including making kids work in his Shimmer factory, and destroying all kinds of lives! He... is obsessed with making Zaun, and... there's nothing he wouldn't give to make it happen. He'd... probably give me to Piltover.
[Voicing that thought hurts.]
But at... the end of the day, he never demanded I be Powder, and he gave me a home. He never... actually made me do anything I didn't want to do. He just... knew how to convince me... really well.
[Jinx has realized quite a lot. Including that... Silco had been manipulating her all those years.]
no subject
He blinks a few times, gaze coming back up to Jinx. By that point, she'd moved onto Silco.
He's quiet the whole way through, brow furrowing once more at the sight of those tears. Tears that are... some of them are clear? He returns his focus to her.
Once the words end, the silence that follows is heavy. A soft sigh escapes Ekko. There's a glance around the room for tissues or anything that might do the trick.
After, he reaches up to put a hand on Jinx's shoulder.]
Was he good to you?
[There's a lot of things Ekko wouldn't forgive him for, and rightfully so.
Still, he wants to see what Jinx sees in that man. What she saw that had her outright fight Ekko, had them destroying the only relationship they could have had left of their old lives.
So the question isn't a trick. It's genuine. He'll concede if it means helping her feel just a little less fucked up.]
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He treated me like-... like his daughter.
[Jinx hurriedly presses her palms to her eyes, shoulders trembling just a bit. Why did he have to act like he cared so much, just to be so-...??
It hurts... so much...]
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Maybe that's what you were to him, then.
[Silco was still a terrible man. Still fucked up all to hell. And yet, he recognized that in some way - he must have tried with Jinx.
He looks up with a soft sigh.]
If it's true he was betrayed by everyone, then... maybe he saw some of that in you. Some of himself.
Good and bad's often more muddy than it is black and white.
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I... doubt it was really that.
[Jinx listens to the rest, brow tense.]
... Maybe. But... don't even know which I'd prefer.
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[It's quiet, gaze averted. It's... possibly the most forward he's been about how he feels. The most he's ever verbalized right to her.]
What I'm tryin' to say is...
[He finally brings his gaze back to her.]
We were just kids, you know? After everything I've heard... I don't think you were wrong. Delusional. Anything like that.
[He leans back in the chair, letting out a sigh as he looks at the ceiling.]
I don't think I ever wanted to admit it, not even to myself, but part of why it hurt was... because I was jealous.
I'd never be okay living with Silco. But somehow, after everything that happened, you found family again. You found a place to be.
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It's hard to accept most of them, but that last part has her expression straining a little. After an unsteady breath, she gently nudges him with her foot.]
And you didn't? [There's a wry smile.] Those people... clearly cared a lot about you. Something that seemed to go both ways.
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It eventually got to be something like that, yeah. It took... a lot of time.
Things were pretty rough for awhile, there.
[In between grieving, losing most if not all his close contacts, and then trying to just survive?
Well, Ekko grew up fast, that's for sure.
After a moment, he puts his hand on her shoulder.]
...for what it's worth? I'm glad we're both here... no matter what kind of twisted path we had to endure for it.
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Yeah? [Jinx can feel her stomach do something a little weird, from that touch being combined with the gesture.] I... feel the same way.
[There's a softening of her expression as she looks at him.]
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[Now it's Ekko's turn to be surprised and flustered. It wasn't that he doubted her or felt she'd lie about this, it was just...
She'd been through a lot. Arguably, far more than himself. So it's just -
It's a lot that she'd consider this... them? Worth all that.]
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[She sounds very certain of that, too.]
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Ekko has no idea what to do. His mind has just blanked out, and... his face is warming up, for sure.]
...heh.
[He pulls away, hand coming up to awkwardly rub at the back of his neck for a moment as he glances to the side.]
So, uh... You feeling a little a better, now?
Private Text
So. What's the actual deal with you and Ekko?
If necessary we can trade honesty for honesty: tell me and I'll answer a question, any question, of your choice. Honestly. Even if I think it's unbearably stupid.
1/2
guess I can try to shorten it a little?
[Unlike Ekko, she's pretty chill with this. Helps she gets a much sweeter deal!]
him and Powder met when their ages were still in the single digits
when
Mylo would be really mean to her about her inventions and ideas
Ekko would just find them really cool
he'd even give her ideas and ways to make them even better!
Powder had Vi too but
Vi was better at punching things and would only ever manage these
sort of blanket compliments?
"wow you're really smart"
"you could fix anything"
Ekko was adopted too
so just
a lot in common!
then
Silco killed Ekko's family not long before
Powder accidentally killed half her family
and Vi
[She's already told Ekko what happened with Vi but it felt a little easier, in that case. Because, in a way, it kind of just slipped out without much thought behind it. It takes a few tries to put it into typed words.]
Vi hit Powder
said that Mylo was right
told her she really was a jinx
blamed her for everything always going wrong
then
she left
got thrown in prison but Powder had no way of knowing that
Ekko tried finding Powder after learning everything
he was gonna save her from Silco
without realizing
Powder was dead
it was Jinx choosing to live with Silco
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I killed us both
so here we are now
with him being ridiculously helpful
nice
hot
and the whole fucking reason I asked that question about sex!
the idiot still didn't take the clue!!
he keeps acting like he likes me then it's like he's
I don't know second-guessing?
remembering I'm the reason he's here in the first place???
I just
don't think I could handle it
if I did initiate and
it turned out I was wrong, I guess?
Re: 2/2
Alright. I have a few questions, so I'll go one question at a time.
First. If you'd ever decided you no longer wanted to work for Silco, would he have let you go unharmed?
[...They suspect they know the answer to that. But they want her to say it. And if they're wrong, that's still something more she's given them.]
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think so?
He's never hurt me before
even when he was pissed at me
he just
yelled or
quietly grumbled
Re: 2/2
[They readjust their viewpoint a little and then reapproach. Are they projecting? Maybe! (Yes.)
It's uncharitable to think about the Prince like that, Ashton knows; he was about as close to a decent man in his position as he was going to get, at least to her, and it's not his fault she was too goddamn good at killing to get to take a week or two off. There was always somewhere or someone or something that she could be useful to or for.]
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yeah definitely part of it
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Back when I had a boss, he did genuinely threaten to have me killed a few times, though admittedly that was partially for dragging his daughter into situations she had no reason to be anywhere near. Hardly without cause.
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he needed someone who
understood
so I think if
I stopped feeling lonely or afraid of betrayal
that's what would make me less useful
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Were you getting anything meaningful out of the arrangement?
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They're hard to find, aren't they.
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Silco was the only one back then
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It makes it easier.
the night after the fire(s)
This is not a request or an invitation, to be clear. You can give me a time and a place, or I'll pick both and find you.
Is that understood, Powder?
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or what?
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not like i plan to come out anytime soon
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you wouldn't actually be sad
[Push them all away... and it'll be easier.
Or so she thinks.]
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yeah yeah
[She just wants to sulk and hate.]
youre
so annoying right now
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come get it over with
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...Ashton doesn't show up immediately, though; they need to pick out an outfit first. Jinx undoubtedly feels like shit right now, and they're not sure if they want to hammer it in by looking completely unruffled or soften that blow by going casual. Ultimately they end up opting for something they feel is roughly at the midpoint of the scale.
They're also doing this partially because they want to make her sweat. Look, they're mostly on sabbatical from being an evil son of a bitch, but sometimes the opportunity presents itself and they can't pass it up!
At about thirty-eight minutes past sending that last text, she raps twice on the door.
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She's wearing a pretty blatant pout as she opens the door, and then doesn't bother waiting; turning on her heel, she sulkily moves over to sit on her bed, back against the wall. Without saying a word, she pulls her knees to her chest, arms tightly wrapped around them.
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(They were. Maybe not incredibly serious, because 'if John finds out about this, would he be displeased' is a meaningful level of cognition that's running interference here so that Ashton doesn't immediately default to the most asshole move possible, but Jinx? Jinx would make for a good project, if they really wanted to make her paranoid about it.)
"I do really just want to talk."
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It's a lot, but she does finally find her voice. Or, well, more precisely? Her willpower. It'd be so much easier to just shut down, but part of her genuinely doesn't want to. Not now, not yet...
"Feels like I was gone for so long... Yet... there was that whole other life, on top of it all... Who..."
Jinx looks up at Ashton, something that's a strange mix of empty and desperate in her eyes.
"Who even am I...?"
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"We'll get to that. Before you get too far into your own head, though, I'd like to hear exactly what you wanted the results of your fun little experiment with arson to be."
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"Heh... experiment... I guess you could call it that."
She mutters that, and there's a moment where it's completely random rambling about tests and experiments. But, she does finally come to a conclusion.
"The Necromancer... brought me back after there was... There's nothing for me! Not home, not here! Why even bother?! I'm just gonna keep fucking it all up, losing everyone, so... why not beat myself to the goddamn punch??"
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She tips her head a fraction of an inch. "So for that, I killed four people. I stalked them for days to be sure they'd be easy to slaughter. Two of them let me into their cabins because they trusted the face I was wearing, and I killed them in their beds as they tried to help me. If John had been ten seconds later in stopping me than he was, I would've killed five.
And did it work? Take a wild guess." Given how close they are with John, with Sokie -- it's not a guess at all. Jinx has working eyes and ears and she's literate. She can draw the correct conclusion here.
"I'm a worse and far more unforgivable thing than you are, love," said with frankness, though the love is almost kind; unless Jinx has massacred cities and children for kicks she's a far better person than they are, "and it didn't work for me, either. All the people who care about you are going to see is that you're in a great deal of pain, and that makes them want to be there for you even more. Tough luck."
Maybe it would work if she'd shaped her social circle in a very different way, but she didn't. And if there's anyone it's completely impossible to chase away by being a nightmarish fuckup and trying to destroy the good things you have so nobody can take them away from you -- Ash fucking tried to make John consider them a lost cause. It would never have worked, no matter how hard they tried.
At no point do they look at her with any negative emotion in their eyes, nor really any positive one either. They just look at her with understanding.
Text
Re: Text
need something?
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I am called Mitth'raw'nuruodo, but most here may use my shortened Basic name 'Thrawn'. I have been assigned to you as your temporary warden.
I wish to know you better. May we talk here, or a place in person you may feel comfortable?
Re: Text
[She doesn't grasp the concept of simply being polite, so that's her assumption.]
ok
Thrawn then
does the
Library work?
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Yes - the library will work. I will reserve a room for us after lunch hour. Thank you.
Voice
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[She's clearly so excited by this.]
We've gotta celebrate!
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[Picking up the stuff he threw when he saw the announcement.]
The door's open.
-> action
[With a happy grin even in her voice, she's going to sprint the entire way there. Not because she feels the need to rush, but because she suddenly has lots of energy to spare now.
True to her word, she is there in a matter of minutes, and rushing in with the intention of half-tackling him with a hug, on sight.]
Re: -> action
I'm so fucking glad you're my inmate.
Re: -> action
And I'm so glad I have one of the best wardens!
[Jinx grins up at him, once she's back on the floor.]
I bet John'll wanna throw a little celebration later, too. [Given how down she'd started to be over getting passed around, and then Rawne seemed to be feeling kind of similar... this totally warrants all the celebration.] So, what do permanent pairs usually do first?
Re: -> action
Well, when I was paired with Avalon, I just talked to them about what they thought graduation would mean. That's what Quentin did, with me.
December 25th; morning
In the bag is a radio - plain and boring sure, but ready to be decorated by her and butter cookies. ]
Backdated to maybe a couple of weeks after they're paired
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[Off she goes!]
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